the buzz log

The life of a grandpa isn't all suspenders and applesauce. This morning, while perusing my large-print newspaper, I stumbled upon a story about "intermittent explosive disorder." Apparently, there are people (like yours truly) who have a tendency to fly off the handle in certain situations (like in bad traffic or during "love-ins"). Now, as soon as I read that, I felt the rage begin to grow. It's like they're saying something's wrong with me. Well, fiddlesticks to that! My grumpiness is always justified, and I've listed five popular but irritating Search terms to prove it. Go ahead, I dare you to disagree with me...

1. Barbra Streisand (+432%)—Oh, make her stop. This broad might be able to sing, but news that her tour is coming to my town is making my bowels act up.
2. Viral Videos (+397%)—I've spent my entire life avoiding viruses, and now people are searching for them on video? You folks are sick, sick, sick.
3. Census Bureau (+297%)—What a surprise—the government wants to know all about me. Nothing makes my blood boil like a nosy solicitor asking about my income.
4. Bottled Water (+263%)—Maybe I'm just a senile old man, but I thought water was free. Did we lose a war when I was napping?
5. Estate Tax (+119%)—Uncle Sam wants to dip into my life savings after I kick the bucket. Over my dead body, Sammy! Oh, wait...