the buzz log

Come Monday, the Gosselins of “Jon & Kate Plus 8” will make a "life-changing" announcement, conveniently timed during its one-hour TLC time slot.

The promised change is supposed to broker a "peace." Considering the couple spent their 10th anniversary on June 12 "150 miles apart," it sounds like time to cut bait. The Gosselin disintegration may have them among the top 25 searched people on Yahoo! in May, but a grumbling backlash makes us feel they've overstayed their welcome.

So, based on pure conjecture, hearsay, and irritation over the whole matter, here's 10 modest proposals on what the reality TV couple might just tell its benumbed viewers:

1. The Gosselins will try one more time, and adopt Nadya "Octomom" Suleman’s brood.
2. Kate's changing her hairstyle from reverse mullet to 145-degree-off-kilter mullet.
3. The children will be starring in a musical version of “Lord of the Flies.” 
4. Kate will get her tubes tied. Jon will put a finger down so the ribbon’s tight.
5. With the crossover success of “American Chopper,” Jon will try “Wife Swap,” then renege on the return policy.
6. Inspired by the pregnant man, Jon is going to go for it.
7. Kate will revive that 2001 trend, the Surrendered Wife.
8. The Gosselins enters the Octagon to face fellow TLC stars of “Little People.” Game on.
9. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt plans to adopt the entire family, mom and dad included. Their buyout offer was better than Madonna’s.
10. They’re upgrading from TLC to HBO. Two words: “Big Love.”