the buzz log

Here's one for the record books. Britain has found its loudest snorer. Given that her noisy sleep sounds move the dial to an ear-shattering 111 decibels — louder than a low-flying jet — we've decided we'll take her word for it, and turn down any invites for a sleepover.

The British woman is 60 and has had the problem her entire life. One of her earliest memories, according to the Telegraph, is bring awakened at age five to her sister pinching her nose closed to make the noxious sound stop.

Except for invasive surgery, Jenny Campbell has tried every late-night TV gizmo to make her a silent sleeper, but nothing has worked. And no wonder: Her sounds can drown out a washing machine, a diesel truck, and a speeding train. You gotta feel for the British woman's long-suffering husband, who sleeps in another room five nights a week.

For the record, the snoring wonder was discovered because she attended a sleep seminar that recommends holistic remedies. Save keeping the retired banker in a sound-proof room, her snoring won't go away any time soon. (That's something many annoyed women already know, since the affliction tends to be a trait of middle-aged men that keep many a mate awake.)

One suggestion from the seminar: Cut out the alcohol. Campbell says she's willing to try anything else. Anything. But giving up the drink, that's too much to ask. We hear you, Jenny Campbell. And so does everyone else.